A Cry For Help
by xfool
Summary: An arguement leads to a discovery...one that may cost someone's life
1. The Beginning

Lt. Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie sat in her office, staring out the window.  Harm wasn't in today and she had a feeling that it was because of her.  They talked last night and it did not end well at all.

_"Harm, we need to talk."  
            "Now?" he whined.  "Why do we always have to talk?"_

_            She sighed and sat on the couch, facing him.  Maybe he wasn't ready to talk but she was.  It had been almost two years since Mic and Renee ran off together, leaving Mac waiting at the church.  In those two years, Harm and Mac sought comfort in each other and she felt ready to move on and take the next step in their relationship._

_            She took in a deep breath.  "Harm, I think it's time you and I talked about what happened in __Sydney__.  I know that it happened a long time ago but I feel that our relationship depends on it."_

_            "Mac, I think you know how I feel about you.  Can't we just leave it at that?"_

_            "No."_

_            "Why?  What do you want from me?"_

_            "The truth, for starters.  Then maybe trust."_

_            "I've told you a million and one times and we have discussed the ferry ride enough."_

_            She stood and walked to the door.  Opening it she told him, "Well I can't be in a relationship, friendly or otherwise, unless there is a willingness to communicate."_

_            He slammed the door shut.  "You're not being fair!  I said I needed time."_

_            "I think I gave you an adequate enough amount of time!" she shot back.  "I don't want to do this on your time anymore Harm.  It's not fair to me."_

_            "Stop thinking about yourself for one minute Sarah…"_

_            "In case you haven't noticed Harmon, all that I have been doing is be there for you.  What about me?  Have you even stopped to ask how I was?  How I felt after my fiancée left me waiting at the altar?  How…"  
            "How what?"_

_            "How I have been leaving work early every day for the past seven months?  How I never have an appetite any more?  Have you?  No.  It's time for me to start thinking about me for once."_

_            "What are you saying?"_

_            "What do you think that I am saying?  My entire life has been hell on Earth.  I'm sure you remember some of my history."_

_            "And how does that have anything to do with us?"_

_            "That you are my last shot at happiness, at a happily ever after," she told him before exiting his apartment._

Sighing, Mac vacated her chair and locked up for the night.  The entire drive home was uneventful, as was the walk to her apartment.  Picking up a pen and paper she let her thoughts pour out. 

Leave here please go away into the dark,   
  
Leave me here sitting next to the window.   
  
Leave where we are, it's not good for you,   
  
Leave me before anything starts.   
  
   
I am better at being lonely than anybody else.  
  
I am better at dealing with these things than you are,   
  
I don't want to see you hurt tomorrow.   
  
I don't want to see you cry on the foot of my bed.   
  
  


Just leave me here please.   
  
Just take your things and get away from me.   
  
Just leave me where I am please.  
  
Just be let me be who I am and who you want me to be.   
   
  
Maybe its best if you run as fast as you could.   
  
Maybe it's best if you live your own life.   
  
Maybe it would be best of you take this chance.   
  
Maybe it's best if you don't see me cry.   
   
  


It's easier to end this here and now.   
  
It's easier for me and it will be easier for you.   
  
It's easier not to let anything happen now.   
  
It's easier for you to go now and leave me in the morning.   
  
  


I have never asked you to believe in me.   
  
I have never asked you to love me.   
  
I have never asked you to care for me but now  
  
I ask you to leave me here alone.   
  
  
Maybe its the best for you and for me   
  
Maybe it would have been a wonderful night  
  
Maybe, maybe I would have told you things I didn't want you to know  
  
Maybe things would have been harder for me then   
  
   
But the end has to come, for everybody   
  
But I don't want you to see me like this.   
  
But I don't want you to be next to me then.  
  
But I don't want you to wait till the last moment.    
  
  


Its hard enough to see you here in the dark  
  
Its hard enough to see it in your eyes   
  
Its hard to know that maybe things would have changed  
  
Its hard to see this glance in your eyes.   
   
  
Just walk away, do this for me  
  
Just walk away, trust me with this  
  
Just walk away, and don't look back  
  
Just walk away, run as fast as you can.  
  
   
  
It's too late to tell you what I feel;   
  
It's too late to let you wonder why.  
  
It's too late to say what I wanted to tell you ages ago.   
  
It's too late to say something.   
  
   
  
Everything was so simple when we were kids  
  
Everything was so simple to tell the other one  
  
Everything was so simple when you were the king and I was your queen.   
  
Everything was so simple then.  
  
   
  
Silent night, the stars are shining bright.  
  
Silent night, there aren't any words to say.  
  
Silent night, this will be the last night.  
  
Silent night, the last time I see the moon.   
  
   
  
Maybe it's best for me to go.   
  
Maybe it's best to let you go.  
  
Maybe it's best to end like this.   
  
Maybe it's best to let them win and let me lose.   
  
   
  
Go and let me do it my way.  
  
Go and don't try to talk me out of it  
  
Go and leave me alone.   
  
Go and let the moon meet the sun  
  
   
  
When you walk away everything will be easier for me.  
  
When you go I can do what I have to do.  
  
When you run I won't chase after you   
  
When you cry for me I won't wish the tears away  
  
   
  
Just tell them that they've won   
  
Just tell them that I've lost  
  
Just tell him that I loved him  
  
Just tell him that they will kill him.   
  
  
  
Don't hold me close   
  
Don't try to stop me from crying  
  
Don't even think you can change the world  
  
Don't even try to remember me later   
  
   
  
Its just too late, to late to wonder why  
  
Its to late to ask me why  
  
Its to late for me to win  
  
Its to late for me to wonder why  
  
   
  
Now its time for you to go  
  
Now its time for me to do what I have to do  
  
Now its time to say goodbye  
  
Now its time to mean goodbye.  
  
  


Maybe it's for the best.

            Mac put the paper in an envelope and headed to her car.  _Hopefully Harm will realize what I was saying last night before it's too late._

            Taking the stairs to his door she was tempted to knock.  But before she could, Mac slid the envelope under his door and ran back to her car.

            Harm saw the pale pink envelope slide under his door.  A good five minutes passed before he went to pick it up.  He saw her handwriting on the front and another ten minutes passed before he opened it.

            Across town Sarah MacKenzie was writing something else, her tears making her vision blurry.  Then she reached for her bottle of anti-depressants that her therapist prescribed and her bottle of vodka, contemplating what she would do first.


	2. The Cry

Disclaimer: Don't own JAG, blah blah blah 

From Chapter 1:

Across town Sarah MacKenzie was writing something else, her tears making her vision blurry. Then she reached for her bottle of anti-depressants that her therapist prescribed and her bottle of vodka, contemplating what she would do first.

Chapter 2:

            Mac was curled on the floor when Harm found her.  He crouched down to her, trying to pick her up.  She shrank away from him more and more with every effort he made.

            "Sarah, it's me.  It's Harm.  I'm here," he said soothingly.

            "Doesn't want me, doesn't need me, doesn't love me…Doesn't want me, doesn't need me, doesn't love me…" was all she said.

            "Oh Sarah, that's not true," he said as he gathered her into his arms.

            He wrapped her in a blanket and drove her to the hospital. 

            Four hours later, she was sedated and resting in a troubled state in the psychiatric ward at Bethesda.  Harm had called the Admiral by then and the two were standing outside her room looking in.

            "What did the doctor say Harm?"

            "He doesn't know what brought this on or how long she will be like this.  He said that he will call me tomorrow with her test results and I plan on being here with her as much as I can."

            "Understood.  I'll call you later and we can figure out what to do with her cases."

            "Yes, sir.  Thank you for coming down."

            Harm turned back to the window, arms crossed at his chest, fatigue and worry on his face.

            "Sarah, what went wrong?  How can I help?" 


	3. Trouble

From Chapter 2:         

Harm turned back to the window, arms crossed at his chest, fatigue and worry on his face.

            "Sarah, what went wrong?  How can I help?" 

Chapter 3:

            Mac opened her eyes, the light from the sun peeking through the window shade.  

            "Harm?  Harm where are you?  Help me!  HARM!!"

            A nurse outside heard her and ran into the room.  "Ms. MacKenzie, you need to calm down," she tried to say but her words were never heard over Mac's screaming.  Lucky for the nurse, Harm was just signing in at the front desk.  Dropping the flowers he brought, Harm was at Mac's side and she was clinging to him for dear life.  

            He sat with her, whispering in her ear, "It's ok, I'm here." 

            After a while she fell into a light doze, and Harm was afraid to leave her.

            The doctor came in after his morning rounds to check on Mac.

            "Ah, Mr. Rabb.  I was hoping you would be here."

            "Doctor Hayes," Harm said as he shook hands.  "How is she?"

            "Well, it's too early to tell right now.  I think that she has had some sort of crisis or breakdown.  Tell me, has she been under a lot of stress lately?"

            Harm thought for a moment.  "I think it had something to do with me and an argument the day before yesterday.  And I do know that she has been seeing a therapist since her fiancée left her at the altar two years ago.  I found this at her apartment," he said as he handed over a pill container to the doctor.

            "Hmm, this definitely needs some looking into.  Do you know who her therapist is?"

            Harm thought for a moment, "No, not at the top of my head, but our CO might.  He should be here any minute."

            "Good enough.  I suggest you stay here until we can control her outbursts."

            "Ok, doctor, I will."

            Mac had been in the hospital for over a week before she was allowed visitors.  The doctor told Harm that he did not know why or how this had happened, and that the only thing they could do was wait.

            Harriet was sitting with Mac, brushing her hair.  Mac didn't acknowledge that anyone was in the room; she just sat and stared off into space.

            "There colonel.  That's better.  Take a look."

            Harriet helped Mac stand and lead her into the bathroom where she could look in the mirror.  Harm came in then.  "Wow Mac.  Harriet did a good job."

            Harriet looked at her watch.  "Oops, time to go.  I'll see you tomorrow colonel.  Goodnight commander."

            "'Night Harriet.  Thanks for coming," he said as he closed the door to Macs room behind him.

            Within a matter of seconds, Mac had a chair propped against the door and was breaking the mirror.  Harm was kicking in the door, trying to stop her.

            "SOME ONE CALL A DOCTOR!"

            He turned back to the door, pleading with Mac to stop.  "Mac, don't.  Mac!"

            Just as he broke through the door she looked at him, her eyes meeting his.  "I'm sorry Harm."  And then took the broken glass and stabbed herself in the chest.

            Harm was at her side not thirty seconds later.  Gathering her bleeding body into his arms he tried to stop the bleeding.  "Mac?  Sarah?  No, no, no, no, no…"

            It took two doctors and five nurses to pry her out of his grasp.

            Doctor Hayes looked up.  "Get me a stretcher, three units of O neg. and gauze.  I have to stop the bleeding before we move her."

            One of the nurses rushed out to get what the doctor needed.  Another helped Harm to his feet and out of the room.  "Sir, is there anyone you can call?"


	4. Relief

From Chapter 3:

Doctor Hayes looked up.  "Get me a stretcher, three units of O neg. and gauze.  I have to stop the bleeding before we move her."

            One of the nurses rushed out to get what the doctor needed.  Another helped Harm to his feet and out of the room.  "Sir, is there anyone you can call?"

Chapter 4:

            Harm was sitting in the waiting room of the ER when the admiral, Bud and Harriet came running in.  

            Harm was sitting in shock, Mac's blood all over.  Before anyone could ask what happened, Doctor Hayes emerged from the trauma room looking tired but hopeful.

            "Commander.  Admiral.  We lucked out.  Another sixteenth of an inch and she would have gotten her aorta.  She's sedated, stitched up and restrained.  You can see her but I'm afraid that it is not a pretty scene.  She lost so much blood that we almost lost her three times.  Follow me."

            They were led to the trauma room where Harm was the only one to make it past the doors.

            The admiral, Bud and Harriet quietly discussed Mac's condition with Doctor Hayes and then left, knowing that Harm wouldn't notice.

            Harm sat next to her bed, holding her hand.  "Oh Sarah.  Why didn't you let me know sooner?  This never had to happen.  Please, wake up and tell me what's wrong."

            "Commander?  Can I see you for a minute?"

            "Sure," Harm said as he rose from the stool.  "What is it?"

            "When we did the blood work on the colonel, we also ran a pregnancy test because we had suspicions about her recent weight gain.  It's positive."

            Harm stood in complete shock, memories flashing through his mind.  "Are you sure?"

            "Very.  I ran the test again to double check.  I'm sorry to tell you this."

            "No, it's ok.  I'm the father."

            "Well, then I guess that congratulations are in order.  I will be transferring the colonel to the ICU and then she will be brought back downstairs.  If you have any questions please let me know," the doctor said.

            He was about to leave when a nurse brought over a sheet of paper.

            "Um, commander.  There is something wrong here."

            "What is it?"

            "The colonel was not taking an anti-depressant like we thought.  It was actually a hallucinogen disguised as a prescription.  Any idea where she could have gotten this?"

            "Yeah, I think so.  Thank you doctor."


	5. News

From chapter 4:

            "Um, commander.  There is something wrong here."

            "What is it?"

            "The colonel was not taking an anti-depressant like we thought.  It was actually a hallucinogen disguised as a prescription.  Any idea where she could have gotten this?"

            "Yeah, I think so.  Thank you doctor."

Chapter 5:

            Harm stood in the hall way, frozen in thought.  _I'm going to be a father!  I don't even think that Mac knows…  He turned on his heel and sat next to her.  Holding her hands in his, he thought about everything that had happened in the past few months.  Them sleeping together, the arguments and now this…He didn't know how he was going to tell Mac._

            "Harm, what's wrong?"

            "M-Sarah!  You're awake.  Oh thank god.  You gave us quite a scare."

            "What?  Harm tell me everything!  Please…"

            He looked down at her, making sure the nurses didn't come in.  He wanted to be alone with her before she was moved.    

            "Mac, you shoved a piece of glass into you chest earlier today.  You have been in some sort of coma for two weeks…."

            She looked deep into his eyes then, "But there is something else."

            "You're pregnant.  About five weeks.  And the doctor says that you weren't taking a prescription but that someone disguised a hallucinogen as you pills.  I called Webb and he told me that some how, Palmer escaped again.  We think that he did this to you.  Well, except for the baby."  He added his flyboy grin to lighten the load of information he just gave her.  

            "I'm….I'm pregnant?"  Everything else seemed to have passed in one ear and out the other.

            Before Harm could say anything more, a nurse came in.  "Okay, time to go."

            Mac looked at Harm, and he could sense that she was scared.  

            "It's ok Sarah.  I'll be right behind you."

            More than a week had passed when the doctor decided to release Mac.

            "Commander, she cannot go back to work for at least five days, no physical stress and she needs to come back in to see me for a follow up on Friday.  Also, she should not be alone.  If you need anything or have any questions please feel free to call me," the doctor said as he handed Harm his business card.

            "Thank you doctor.  For everything you have done.  I guess we will see you on Friday."

            Harm took control of Mac's wheelchair, afraid to let her out of his sight.  He helped her into his car and drove to his place.

            "Harm what are we going to do?  I can't stay at your place!  It's so small, no offense."

            He laughed.  "No, it's ok.  Mom, Frank and Grams are here in the hotel by your place.  I'm just stopping home to pick up my uniforms.  We're staying in your apartment.  Webb is making it into a safe home.  And he's using my place as sort of a headquarters."

            "Oh, ok," she said and continued to look out her window.

            Harm took her hand in his.  "Mac, what's wrong?"

            "I'm scared Harm.  I'm scared of Palmer.  Scared about having this baby…"

            "Hey, it will be ok.  I don't plan on leaving you anytime soon.  When you're a little better we will talk this out.  For now, just remember that I'm here, and so are everyone else."

            "Thanks Harm," she said as she gave a weak smile and squeezed his hand.

            "Mac, ready to go?  We don't want to be late."

            "Yup, here I am.  Let's go.  Then we can have lunch.  I'm eating for two now," she joked.

            He rolled his eyes.  "How could my wallet forget?"

            They joked the entire way to Bethesda.  As soon as Harm parked the car, Mac tensed.  

            "What's wrong?"

            "I don't know.  Something feels off."

            They walked inside towards Doctor Hayes' office.  A nurse stopped them.

            "Where are you going?"

            "We have a three o'clock appointment with Doctor Hayes."

            "Hun, I have been working here for ten years and I can assure you that there is no Doctor Hayes."

            "That's right," a familiar voice said.


	6. Rude Awakening

From Chapter 5:

"We have a three o'clock appointment with Doctor Hayes."

            "Hun, I have been working here for ten years and I can assure you that there is no Doctor Hayes."

            "That's right," a familiar voice said.

Chapter 6:

            Harm and Mac turned around.

            "Palmer.  Still out for revenge?  Don't you have something better to do?"

            Palmer pointed his gun at Mac.  "Nope, I like making you suffer.  And now, I plan on making my fantasy a reality.  Say goodbye to mommy."

            "Wait, before you shoot me, tell me how you did it," Mac pleaded.

            He smirked.  "Fair enough.  I created a mild sedative with the mold in my cell.  When the guard passed out, I took his keys and walked out.  You would think that a maximum security prison would have better guards.  When I got out, I went to a uniform shop and ordered a Lab Coat.  The rest I think you know.  I paid off your dumb therapist to give you the wrong drug then played the doctor who save you.  You see "Sarah" I wanted to kill you when you were healthy."

            "So this took you what, two, three months?"

            He laughed.  "Yeah something like that.  Now, can I kill you in peace?"

            "Sure, go ahead," Mac told him as Webb and agents from the FBI and US Marshals crept up behind Palmer.

            Palmer turned around and came face to face with Webb's semi-automatic.

            "Drop it Palmer and turn around slowly."

            Palmer grinned at Mac, "No.  Sweet dreams colonel."

            A gunshot erupted.

            Harm woke up from his nightmare.


End file.
